Superfast Jellyfish
by The True Creature of the Night
Summary: Darren tries do to somthing nice for the other vampires by getting them breakfast. The quest goes wrong leaving Darren running for his life. Songfic for Superfast Jellyfish by Gorillaz.


**A/N: why I wrote this, you ask? well I was talking to someone and they wouldn't shut up about how hard songfics were to write. I just nodded and smiled but this is revenge. I started thinking about the weirdest song I'd heard and decieded to write a songfic about that. so here you go. a songfic for the weirdest song i've ever heard: Superfast Jellyfish by Gorillaz. Oh, and please ignore the fact that Darren could flit. i just doubt that there is any town within walking distance of Vampire Mountain.**

**Discalmer: I dont own DSS, Darren Shan does. I dont own Superfast Jellyfish, Gorillaz does.**

* * *

**This morning you've got time**

**For a hot, home cooked breakfast**

**Delicious and piping hot**

**In only 3 microwave minutes**

Darren woke up early that morning, which was a rare occurrence. Darren liked to sleep in. he'd spent most of his human life having to get up for school every morning that it was nice to no longer have that schedule.

Darren walked around Vampire Mountain. He quickly found that not only had he gotten up early, he was the only one who had gotten up early. Everyone else in Vampire Mountain was still asleep.

At first Darren thought it was great. He had the whole mountain to explore on his own. He did have anywhere to be and nowhere to go until someone got up. He could do what ever he wanted and no one was going to know.

He walked around thinking how great this was. He decided that he was going to get up early every morning so he could have all this extra time to himself. After becoming a prince time to yourself wasn't something you had a lot of. Darren was just starting to think about what he should do first when his stomach started growling. OK. Food first.

Darren wandered over to the kitchen in Vampire Mountain. Darren wasn't the best cook but as long as he could make something to hold him over until the cooks got up he'd be fine. Darren rummaged through the pantry and found absolutely nothing that he knew how to cook with. He would just have to wait.

While Darren was fin with waiting his stomach wasn't. it grumbled and growled. Darren no longer felt like going on an adventure around Vampire Mountain. He felt more like going on an adventure to find food.

Darren missed being at home where they had microwaves and foods like pop tarts and granola bars, which you didn't even need to heat up to eat.

Finally after waiting half an hour for someone to wake up and get him food he gave up. He needed food! Now!

"There's got to be some town near by and they'll defiantly have somewhere to get some decent food."

Though Darren did mind bat broth he really craved something else. Fast food or something. Truthfully, anything but bat broth.

Darren flitted into the nearest town he found. It was a lot closer than he'd imagined. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that they had a Mc Donald's.

**Are you kidding?**

**Yo, pretty packages of frosted delights**

**Look, it comes with a toy, he he, I like that**

**I wanna number 4 and a number 6 and throw in a plastic doughnut**

**Just enjoy the gritty crunch, it tastes just like chicken**

Darren walked into the Mc Donald's. There weren't many people there. The only people were the person working the cash register and two people sitting at a table staring at Darren. But Darren didn't notice them staring at him. He was dirty, scarred, and stank to high heavens.

Darren stared at the menu forever. It was an awful lot of work to come down here and it would be a shame to only order some for himself. He could buy some for everyone but he already knew Mr. Crepsley's thoughts on fast food and they weren't good.

In the end Darren ordered a happy meal. It would be just enough to give him energy to go somewhere else and get food. Plus, he was sure he could find something to do with the toy at Vampire Mountain. Anyway, it made noise and was motion activated so he could put it somewhere and it would make a funny sound every time one of the vampires walks by. Lets see how they react to that.

**Wrappers of many bit sizes**

**Man, are you freaking blind? That's a rock**

**All mixed in the pot for momma's homemade**

**From scratch, well, not quite**

**Toasted over flames, they be tasting quite right**

The next logical step for Darren was go to the grocery store. He could get everything he needed there. Well, that is when he finally found the grocery store. It took him long enough to realize the big store that said 'piggy wiggly' and had a big cartoon pig on the front was actually a grocery store.

Now shopping for groceries was something that Darren had never mastered. Most wouldn't even consider him a novice. Even as low as beginner might be and understatement

Darren wandered around the store wondering how his mom managed to go and do this shopping thing every week. He finally began thinking it would be easier to shop if he knew what he was shopping for.

"OK what would every one like," Darren mumbled.

He though about who he would be cooking for. Mr. Crepsley, Mika, Paris, Arrow, Harket. To be honest they would all like something he hunted down and caught a lot better than something that's been sitting in a grocery store for who knows how long.

Since he knew that mostly every vampire only ate what they caught Darren started thinking of things that you couldn't catch. Pie being number one.

Darren now had an idea in his mind and shopping started getting a lot easier. He picked up every ingredient he needed to make a pecan pie from scratch.

Well now that every thing seemed to be going great he'd forgotten to keep an eye on the clock. Time had slipped by with out him noticing and he realized that the vampires would be waking soon. Darren shot out the door and back toward Vampire Mountain but stopped before he got there.

Darren didn't want the other vampires helping with the pie so the next step: build a fire and learn to cook a pie over an open flame.

The pie was a total bust. There is no way you can make a pie over an open fire and no cooking utensils. In the end the pie fell into the fire and burned. It wasn't a pretty picture.

In fact the only thing good he'd gotten from the whole Piggly Wiggly shopping trip was a bag full of bit size pieces of chocolate but he wasn't going to share that with the other vampires. it was all his.

Darren wasn't doing very well on his quest to bring breakfast to Vampire Mountain. It was a lot harder than expected. He was wondering how he mom managed to cook for his family when he lived with them. He wished he knew how hard it was then. He probably would've cut his mom a little slack when something wasn't perfect.

He was about to give up getting breakfast when he realized they needed something other than bat broth. He would eat anything but that. So Darren decided since he was already out here he might as well bring something back. And fish sounded pretty good.

**All hail king Neptune and his water breathers**

**No snail thing to quick for his water feeders**

**Don't waste time with your net, our net worth is set, ready, go**

**Many know other but**

Darren sat down by the side of the river with his make shift pole. He'd never been very good at fishing but he really wanted fish. It was one thing that he hadn't had in a while that he always loved.

Half an hour later he sill hadn't caught anything. A few other people showed up to fish too. The difference was they were catching all sorts of things and Darren wasn't catching anything.

Of course this bothered Darren. They offered to give him some of the fish they'd caught but he did care of the food any more. He just wanted to catch a dang fish!

In the end Darren just got up and left. He no longer wanted to get laughed at by the other fisherman. He walked past the Mc Donald's again wondering if it would be worth it just to go and get everyone food there. It sure would be easier.

**We be the colors of the mad and the wicked**

**We be bad, we be brickit with the 24 hour sign**

**Shower mind habits while you dine like rabbits**

**With the crunchy, crunchy carrots, that's chicken**

**Gotta have it superfast**

Darren sat in the Mc Donald's eating a cheeseburger, drinking Coke, feeling like a looser. He couldn't get them fast food, he couldn't make a pie, and he couldn't even catch a damn fish.

"What a sad excuse of a vampire I am," Darren said quietly to himself.

"He's a vampire!" a little kid yelled from across the room.

"Vampires don't exist," The mom said to the little kid.

"But he just said he was, didn't you?" the little boy asked Darren.

"Oh, forget it!" Darren yelled walking out the door.

**A whole lot of breakfast you got time for**

**Superfast, superfast, I come in last**

**But just in time for breakfast**

**Keep it through, keep it through, forever blue**

**Tonight's the night for action**

Darren hadn't realized what a superstitious town he walked into. Or how fast news traveled.

He had gone back to fishing but the other fishermen were gone.

_At least I don't have anyone to laugh at me this time_, Darren thought.

Darren spent about 20 minuets before hearing something. He turned around to see a bunch of people standing around with torches and stakes.

"DIE, VAMPIRE!" yelled one person before they all charged at him.

**Aluminum, I crush your fun, aluminum**

**The sea is radioactive**

**The sea is radioactive**

Darren flitted not worrying about people catching up. He turned to look behind him and tripped over a rock. Pain shot through his ankle. He stood up slowly. He might be able to walk but there was no way he would be able to flit. But he was already far enough from the people, wasn't he?

Darren leaned against a tree to catch his breath.

He turned to look over at the water when he heard the loud splash.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Darren screamed.

A large sea monster – or river monster – had surfaced.

**All hail king Neptune and his water breathers**

**No snail thing to quick for his water feeders**

**Don't waste time with your net our net worth is set, ready, go**

**Many know other but**

Darren took off running as fast as he could with a hurt ankle.

He didn't have to time to think about anything. Like the fact that the river monster was way to big to even fit in the river. And it moved very easily on land. Better than it should. And that the villagers had shown up. Except now they were wearing mid evil style clothes.

Suddenly the river monster started spawning little fish that could also move very well on land and had sharp teeth that could tear right through flesh.

**We be the colors of the mad and the wicked**

**We be the bad, we be brickit with the 24 hour sign**

**Shower mind habits while you dine like rabbits**

**With the crunchy, crunchy carrots, that's chicken**

**Gotta have it super fast**

Darren couldn't run anymore. His ankle just wouldn't let him. he took one more step and fell.

**Superfast, superfast, I come in last**

**But just in time for breakfast**

**Keep it through, keep it through, forever blue**

**Tonight's the night for action**

He did hit the ground when he fell. He just kept falling. And he wasn't looking at the ground. He was looking up at all the things that had been chasing him. he watched as they all walked right over the hole as if there was glass the couldn't break right over it.

Then all the light was gone. He couldn't see anything but he could hear. Growling. Something was going to eat him one he fell to the bottom!

**Aluminum, I crush your fun, aluminum**

**The sea is radioactive**

**The sea is radioactive**

"AHH!" Darren gasped when he woke up.

He could hear his mom, dad, and Annie down in the kitchen making breakfast. Darren reassured himself that it had all been a dream. He looked around his room. None of that would ever happen. There are no river monsters and vampires don't even exist.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! Now, please review. It will certainly brighten this dreary day. **


End file.
